Looking Death in the Face

There’s nothing harder than watching someone die before your eyes and knowing you can’t do a damn thing about it. That feeling of finality and helplessness is amplified when that person is someone you love. I went through it with my grandfather and will always remember the last 'I love you' in the surroundings of a hospital.

This past Wednesday evening, a very dear friend of mine (who’s practically my brother) had to witness and experience the finality of death. He’s a football coach and the life he watched vanish before his eyes wasn’t a family member or friend, but a student in the 7th grade.

After a light football practice, this student fell to the ground and became unresponsive. CPR was administered but it wouldn’t help.

I feel for my friend who places so much burden and responsibility on his shoulders when it comes to his players on the field. In a way I can imaging, but at the same time not begin to fathom the desperation of trying to save this young boys life. This feeling of responsibility is multiplied when these coaches are charged to be in the care of all on the field. Nothing he could have done different during practice or nothing he could have done better while giving CPR would have changed the outcome. He needs to know (and does know) that even with the responsibility of these kids on his shoulders, there’s only so much he could have done. It was this young boy’s time to be called Home.

Things will slowly get back to normal for the coaches and the team. Hits will be thrown and plays will be run. Ultimately, we go on. We learn to deal with the pain and anguish of death, but when it looks you in the face, a mental snapshot is taken that stays with you the reset of your life.

- ER